Why We Fail: Understanding the Process Behind Success

Goal Setting Theory

Failure is a universal experience, yet its reasons often evade us. At its core, failure is tied to our relationship with ambition, effort, and expectation. We're drawn to impossible goals like moths to a flame. Grand ambitions-whether they involve losing 20 pounds in a month, writing a bestselling novel in a year, or building a business empire before 30-are intoxicating. They promise to reshape our lives and fulfill our deepest aspirations. But these lofty dreams, while captivating, are also perilously fragile.

Research shows that when the gap between our expectations and reality widens, motivation collapses. Psychologists Edwin Locke and Gary Latham's Goal-Setting Theory posits that ambitious goals drive performance, but only when those goals are both specific and realistic. The moment reality doesn't align with our idealized plans, we falter. Progress slows, setbacks mount, and the high bar we set for ourselves becomes a crushing weight. The higher the bar, the harder the fall.

The Seduction of Impossible Goals

Why do we set ourselves up for failure by chasing the impossible? Part of the answer lies in how we're wired. Neuroscientists suggest that setting ambitious goals triggers a dopamine rush. Dopamine, often referred to as the "feel-good" chemical, fuels our drive and excitement. When we envision ourselves achieving something monumental, our brains light up with pleasure-not because we've succeeded, but because we anticipate success.

However, this neurochemical high is fleeting. As soon as the reality of effort sinks in, the dopamine levels drop, leaving us disillusioned. Consider the case of New Year's resolutions: every January, gyms are flooded with newcomers determined to reinvent themselves. By mid-February, attendance plummets. A study by the University of Scranton found that only 8% of people achieve their resolutions. The remaining 92% often abandon their goals because the gap between their initial enthusiasm and the sustained effort required proves too great.

Are Smaller Goals the Answer?

If impossible goals lead to failure, then smaller, more attainable goals seem like the logical solution. Incremental steps-breaking a monumental task into manageable chunks-have long been championed by productivity experts. Psychologist Albert Bandura's concept of self-efficacy highlights the importance of setting achievable objectives to build confidence and momentum. Yet, smaller goals come with their own challenges.

For one, they often fail to inspire. The satisfaction of achieving small milestones pales in comparison to the allure of a grand vision. Imagine a writer setting out to pen one page a day versus envisioning their name on the New York Times bestseller list. While the former approach is practical, it doesn't ignite the same passion or drive. Humans are hardwired to dream big. We're drawn to narratives of extraordinary achievement-the Olympian who trains for decades to win gold, the entrepreneur who disrupts an industry overnight. These stories fuel our aspirations, but they also set unrealistic benchmarks.

The Process-Oriented Mindset

So, if impossible goals set us up for failure and small goals fail to inspire, what's the alternative? The answer lies in shifting focus from the goal to the process. Goals are markers-signposts on the road to success-but the process is the journey itself. This distinction is more than semantic; it's transformative.

James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, underscores the power of systems over goals. "You do not rise to the level of your goals," he writes. "You fall to the level of your systems." In other words, success isn't about setting ambitious targets; it's about creating habits and routines that make progress inevitable. A runner aiming to complete a marathon doesn't achieve their goal by fixating on the finish line. Instead, they follow a training regimen-logging miles, building endurance, and recovering properly. Each step, no matter how small, contributes to the larger objective.

Real-Life Example: John Wooden's Process Philosophy

Few embody the process-oriented mindset better than legendary basketball coach John Wooden. Wooden, who led the UCLA Bruins to 10 NCAA championships in 12 years, rarely spoke about winning with his players. Instead, he focused on effort, preparation, and execution. His philosophy was simple: "Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best." Wooden's practices were meticulous. Players were taught how to tie their shoelaces properly to prevent blisters and injuries. They drilled fundamentals repeatedly, mastering the basics before attempting complex plays.

By emphasizing process over outcomes, Wooden cultivated a culture of excellence. His players didn't just win games; they became disciplined, resilient individuals. And paradoxically, this relentless focus on the process often led to results that surpassed even their loftiest goals.

The Science of Flow

A process-oriented approach aligns with psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of "flow." Flow is a state of deep immersion and focus where time seems to dissolve, and performance reaches its peak. It's often described as being "in the zone." Athletes, artists, and scientists frequently cite flow as the secret to their breakthroughs.

What's striking about flow is that it's not goal-driven. Instead, it emerges when individuals engage in challenging but manageable tasks that demand their full attention. The process itself becomes the reward. A climber scaling a difficult route isn't thinking about reaching the summit; they're fully absorbed in each movement, each grip, each breath. This intense focus not only enhances performance but also creates a sense of fulfillment.

Overcoming the Fear of Failure

One reason we struggle to embrace the process is our fear of failure. In a goal-oriented culture, success is often defined narrowly: Did you achieve the objective or not? This binary mindset leaves little room for nuance or growth. Yet, failure is an inevitable part of any meaningful endeavor.

Consider Thomas Edison's development of the light bulb. Edison famously said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." His perseverance wasn't rooted in a fixation on the end goal but in a deep curiosity about the process. Each "failure" was a step closer to success, a vital piece of the puzzle.

Building Resilience Through Process

Focusing on the process also builds resilience. When goals dominate our thinking, setbacks can feel catastrophic. A missed deadline, a failed test, or a rejected proposal becomes a referendum on our worth. But when we're process-driven, we view setbacks differently. They're no longer failures but feedback-opportunities to adjust, refine, and grow.

Angela Duckworth's research on grit -the combination of passion and perseverance-underscores this point. Gritty individuals don't rely on fleeting bursts of motivation. Instead, they cultivate habits and routines that sustain them through challenges. By valuing the process over the outcome, they develop the resilience needed to weather adversity.

The Paradox of Process

Here's the paradox: when we stop fixating on goals and immerse ourselves in the process, we often achieve more than we imagined. Consider the story of Sarah Thomas, an open-water swimmer who became the first person to swim across the English Channel four times nonstop. For Thomas, the journey wasn't about breaking records; it was about testing her limits, one stroke at a time. By focusing on the present moment-the rhythm of her strokes, the chill of the water, the pull of the tide-she achieved something extraordinary.

Practical Steps to Embrace the Process

1. Break Down Big Goals into Daily Actions: Instead of setting a goal to write a novel, commit to writing 500 words a day. Instead of aiming to lose 20 pounds, focus on cooking one healthy meal daily.
2. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and reward incremental progress. These victories reinforce the habits that lead to long-term success.
3. Find Joy in the Routine: Identify aspects of the process that you genuinely enjoy. Whether it's the creativity of cooking, the rhythm of running, or the quiet focus of writing, let these moments anchor you.
4. Detach from Outcomes: Practice doing the work for its own sake, not for the promise of external validation. This shift cultivates intrinsic motivation.
5. Reflect and Adjust: Periodically assess what's working and what isn't. Use setbacks as opportunities to refine your approach.

Conclusion: The Process Is the Prize

We fail not because we aim too high or too low but because we've misunderstood the nature of success. Goals, while important, are merely signposts. True progress happens in the process-the daily actions, the steady effort, the quiet persistence.

When we fall in love with the climb rather than fixating on the summit, we unlock a deeper, more enduring form of fulfillment. The process doesn't just lead to success; it transforms us along the way. Skill, resilience, and self-discovery aren't the byproducts of ambition; they're the rewards of purposeful action. The process, in the end, is the prize.